thisisglorious said: hey, I'm not a long-time follower but I saw your post on your breakup and just wanted to send you a virtual hug. breakups suck. hope you feel better sometime.
thank u so much for your nice words! *hug*
Sorry for a non-knit-related post.
I just need to write this down somewhere.
The last few days were an emotional rollercoaster. I went to London with my boyfriend to see Kate Bush - I was so excited about that! And it was totally worth it. The rollercoaster moved up to the top.
It was an incredible show, full of magical surprises and her voice is just amazing. Anyway, since we had a busy schedule in London, I couldn’t really cope with the amazingness and had to focus on the other stuff that happened on the trip (sightseeing, museum, musical,…) and on monday, back home, I finally had time to let the concert sink in, listen to the songs she played and feel the music. Tuesday I had to work and in the evening I went to see my boyfriend. We had a normal, nice evening together.
Then, today, in the morning, I realized that he was acting weird. I just got out of bed and he told me “we must talk”. And the rollercoaster rushed down in full speed, without breaks.
Any conversation starting with “We must talk” is a bad one.
This one turned out to be really bad. We broke up. He broke up with me. I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked. I was sad. I was broken.
I cried. He cried. I was shaking. I packed my things and left the apartment.
Back home I had a long and healing cry.
I wrote him an e-mail, explaining all the things I couldn’t say to him earlier.
His reply was honest and made me cry.
I know that he’s sad too. It’s a complicated story, I don’t want to get into details. We had a perfect relationship, apart from one little detail that just didn’t work out. We tried to make it work. For 14 beautiful, romantic, exciting months. Those were some of the most beautiful months I have ever had. Thinking about all those nice memories makes me sad. I felt like I had found my soulmate. We inspired each other - in daily life and in creativity. Making (street-)art with him was one of the most amazing things.
I felt protected and at home whenever I was with him. I know he felt the same. At least until a month ago, when he first had the thought that we can’t make it work any longer. That thought evolved into more and more poisonous thoughts and finally lead to his decision.
Funny enough, I can totally see how it worked - when I broke up with my last boyfriend (after 7 years) I was in his position. I made up my mind and had to break his heart.
I am sad. I am worried. Worried that the sadness won’t go away. I know it’s much - much much - too early to worry about that.
But I’m just so sad. I loved him.
I don’t know why I’m writing all this stuff here, on my knit-blog. I guess it just feels like getting rid of all my thoughts, to clear my head. Sorry if it bores you. Next post will be about my Westknits-Scarf, I promise!